what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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