you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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