There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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