i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize