Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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