Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
