When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
