we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
