So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
