i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
