Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
