so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
