so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
