Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
