What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
