Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
