please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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