I will die if light touches me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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