I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
