i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
