just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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