she was so not down for the gang bang
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
