dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
