This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize