youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
