Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
