And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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