I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
