I love black thongs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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