This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
