I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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