its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
