hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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