just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
