Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
