Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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