Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
