Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
