one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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