Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
