They have a pepper shaker for pot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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