i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
