Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
