My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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