new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
