In America we eat man semen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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