What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
