whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
