i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
