Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
