The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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