Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize