um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
