It's Friday. Sex?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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