all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
