This is not my ceiling
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
