Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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