booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
