Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
