Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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