a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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