been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize