It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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