this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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