You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
