Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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