Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
