My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
