Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
