he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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