watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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